Many moons in absentia… Where to start…
The process of ecological and economic constraint persists, and has become the cornerstone of how I see the world and its human consumption. I have moments of optimism and deflation, evangelism and private head shakes.
The rules that I set out initially have gotten more flexible in someways. I have reverted to buying wine, and the odd soda, but have been trying to keep it local, independent, organic, fair trade or combinations of all for.
I have bought pants from MEC for summer trekking… Not fancy-pants pants, but well made organic cotton cooperative pants. So far they are the only item of new clothing of any kind that has entered my wardrobe except a locally designed shirt while in Hawaii, and folk festival purchases of a hand made hat in Winnipeg and a beautiful apron here in Regina. I have refashioned, reclaimed and built from scratch many new pieces for my oh so high fashion wardrobe. ;)
I have been eating out again on occasion or going out for a beverage once in a while, but this practice has become rare enough that it has resumed its status once again as a treat. So much better to savour!
I have made a pretty big investment this summer in my yard. I have built a patio set from reclaimed wood and lumber: table and benches. it turned out great. All materials found in the alley, scavenged from the fence I took down. The top of the dining table is old hard wood from the neighbour. The legs are from Re-store (my favourite shopping destination!) I have put in another patio area under the maple tree to cosily create a dining area that is surrounded by LED lights and virgina creeper. It feels like a fairy tail. Last night we enjoyed locally brewed beer, phad thai, and fresh rolls listening to my back yard crickets. Don’t think there was a better place to be on this planet during those minutes.
I have build a new garden area at the back of the yard where the sun is sunnier and I am trying square foot gardening this year with great success. Instead of rows you plant in slightly raised beds in a grid. A lot more food fits in a small space and since you can remediate the soil in those top inches everything is producing really well. I have 4 kinds of Kale, kohlrabi, chard, cukes, zucchini, salad greens, carrots, beets, beans, pumpkins (one of which has climbed the lilac and will soon be a beautiful orange orbe up high in the tree), and about 20 or more tomato plants of different varieties in containers that are just starting the share sweet and tangy fruits with us, and will soon have us scurrying around trying to get everything blanched and frozen for winter. The plants are absolutely HEAVY with the coming harvest. It really is beautiful! Another one of my back yard pride and joys this summer has been my eggplants… oh my eggplants! Dark dark purple. Sweet and tender. Shiny and SOooo perfect to hold. I am indeed in love.
As a treat for both the eyes and the bees, my front yard is quite full of flowers this year. Asters, snap dragons, Dahlias, marigolds (great in salads!), Astilbes, Munk’s hood, Ferns, and HOSTAs, HOSTAs, HOSTAs! It is a very pleasing mix of greens and reds and pinks and purple. Drips of yellow bring out the house’s sunny disposition.
The summer has not been a very hot one so far, so things are a bit behind, but catching up. The rains have been pretty good to us, and everything is beautifully green. The vegetable and flower gardens have been enjoying the latest attempt at water conservation, “the home grey water system”. I have been siphoning water from my tub on the second floor, out the window, and down into the rain barrel. So far all except a single watering can worth of water has been either from the sky or from the tub. Kitchen dish water has been feeding the more hardy trees, and greenery. I really can’t imagine how much water I would have used to keep things green without this adaptation. I am also adding more rain barrels this fall so that next year will see my plants even more happily irrigated.
I feel like my path has become a much more sustainable one… I know that I vote everyday with the dollars I do and don't spend. I feel like my life and my values are more in alignment than they have ever been. I know that this autumn of the buy nothing year is really just a starting point and that really not much will change as of October… This summer has been amazing in so many ways with so many gifts. Having people in my life who can see this journey I am on as just that, and not an extreme abdication of my consumptive responsibilities. To feel supported and encouraged in this way, I am certain I owe a great debt to the universe for these things in my life.
I really don’t think I have ever felt so “in the right place” in my entire life… proof that you can’t buy happiness I would say!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Babies are FREE!
My sister and her partner are the happy and healthy parents of a beautiful baby boy! He looks like both of them.
I was lucky enough to meet him along with the rest of my family a few hours after he was born into his daddy's hands under the caring eyes of the midwives in Stony Plain!
It is very hard to believe that that I am an aunt let alone that my sister is a Mom(!) or that my mom and dad are Glam' Parents!
He is indeed priceless!
I was lucky enough to meet him along with the rest of my family a few hours after he was born into his daddy's hands under the caring eyes of the midwives in Stony Plain!It is very hard to believe that that I am an aunt let alone that my sister is a Mom(!) or that my mom and dad are Glam' Parents!He is indeed priceless!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Back from the brake/brink
I am behind in sharing the ups and downs of retail abstinance, for those of you who have been awaiting my next posting with braided(ha!) breath here is a short resumé, pictures to follow later this week.
Successes:
1.I bought no gifts per sae. I did buy wool,or acrylic to be specific (for my Spendidly-Vegan sister), and thread for a skirt (For my Spendidly-Quirky Mom).
2. Many of the supplies i used were either used or recycled. I found fabric for my mom's skirt at my favourite boutique: Value Village. I recieved amy guys for a melted bowl (for my Spendidly-Pregant sister) from Full Circle and people I work with.
3. had a photo printed (for my Spendidly-Genuine Dad). Frame was preloved, and I think this should count as "from Scratch" as i took the picture.
4. hosted a new years Stay in of fondue, sauna and friends. made an amazing cheese & champagne fondue, which we ate with bread from the bakery down the street. Tried to by fruit and veg from tiny groceries, turns out they close early newyears eve. settled for big store organics.
Possible Dalliances... Hey i Never said I was perfect!
1. Went out for dinner with my parents in Edmonton at my suggestion. did eat at a non chain. And it did reduce driving significantly, by staying down town before i went to a play, and it was en route from the airport, and close to where my mom works... yah. a cheat. DAMN FINE spring roll and kim chee!
2. Bought Baby duck for New years, and a box of red wine.
3. went out for drinks with friends on birthday. I don;t think tis is really cheating... the event has been partially extended to this friday as some peeps were out of town last weekend.
Successes:
1.I bought no gifts per sae. I did buy wool,or acrylic to be specific (for my Spendidly-Vegan sister), and thread for a skirt (For my Spendidly-Quirky Mom).
2. Many of the supplies i used were either used or recycled. I found fabric for my mom's skirt at my favourite boutique: Value Village. I recieved amy guys for a melted bowl (for my Spendidly-Pregant sister) from Full Circle and people I work with.
3. had a photo printed (for my Spendidly-Genuine Dad). Frame was preloved, and I think this should count as "from Scratch" as i took the picture.
4. hosted a new years Stay in of fondue, sauna and friends. made an amazing cheese & champagne fondue, which we ate with bread from the bakery down the street. Tried to by fruit and veg from tiny groceries, turns out they close early newyears eve. settled for big store organics.
Possible Dalliances... Hey i Never said I was perfect!
1. Went out for dinner with my parents in Edmonton at my suggestion. did eat at a non chain. And it did reduce driving significantly, by staying down town before i went to a play, and it was en route from the airport, and close to where my mom works... yah. a cheat. DAMN FINE spring roll and kim chee!
2. Bought Baby duck for New years, and a box of red wine.
3. went out for drinks with friends on birthday. I don;t think tis is really cheating... the event has been partially extended to this friday as some peeps were out of town last weekend.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Presently trying to settle what IT is...
I try to live in the present, and though I do at times brood over the past, I think I spend rather too much time living in the future. Waiting for the right thing. Assuming the present is a temporary state and merely a matter of transition:
I am where I am, but I won’t be here long. Don’t get too attached:
My next job will be the right one.My next relationship will be the right one.I love where I live but surely it is temporary!Oh when the house and land are paid off then I can…
The ultimate manifestation of a pathological procrastinator! I don’t dislike my present. I am not someone who can’t wait for the present to be over, I guess I just don’t take it terribly seriously. I can’t seem to stop deferring to the future. I am like an ant, never-endingly preparing for the winter. Though also never really committing to where I am. Always gleaning optimism from the future. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to stop looking forward. I just wish that I would be willing to believe that the present may be as good as it gets… THIS could be IT! (insert any given thought in place of THIS)
As I read this it seems like I am asking myself to settle. I have always HATED the word, and idea of settling. “Settling down.” Retch! I always have seen this as weakness. “Don’t settle for less!”But settling is complicated. and I seem to have grouped all meanings.
set·tle verb, -tled, -tling.
–verb (used with object)
1. to appoint, fix, or resolve definitely and conclusively; agree upon (as time, price, or conditions).
2. to place in a desired state or in order: to settle one's affairs.
3. to pay, as a bill.
4. to close (an account) by payment.
5. to migrate to and organize (an area, territory, etc.); colonize: The pilgrims settled Plymouth.
6. to cause to take up residence: They settled immigrants in urban areas.
7. to furnish (a place) with inhabitants or settlers: The French settled this colony with army veterans.
8. to quiet, calm, or bring to rest (the nerves, stomach, etc.).
9. to stop from annoying or opposing: A sharp word will settle that youngster.
10. to conclude or resolve: to settle a dispute.
11. to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis.
12. to cause (a liquid) to become clear by depositing dregs.
13. to cause (dregs, sediment, etc.) to sink or be deposited.
14. to cause to sink down gradually; make firm or compact.
15. to dispose of finally; close up: to settle an estate.
16. Law. a. to secure (property, title, etc.) on or to a person by formal or legal process.
b. to terminate (legal proceedings) by mutual consent of the parties.
–verb (used without object)
17. to decide, arrange, or agree (often fol. by on or upon): to settle on a plan of action.
18. to arrange matters in dispute; come to an agreement: to settle with a person.
19. to pay a bill; make a financial arrangement (often fol. by up).
20. to take up residence in a new country or place: Many Frenchmen settled along the Mississippi River following La Salle's explorations.
21. to come to rest, as from flight: A bird settled on a bough.
22. to gather, collect, or become fixed in a particular place, direction, etc.: A cold settled in my head.
23. to become calm or composed (often fol. by down): I'll wait until the class settles before starting the lesson.
24. to come to rest (often fol. by down): We settled down for the night at an old country inn.
25. to sink down gradually; subside.
26. to become clear by the sinking of suspended particles, as a liquid.
27. to sink to the bottom, as sediment.
28. to become firm or compact, as the ground.
29. (of a female animal) to become pregnant; conceive.
—Verb phrases
30. settle down, a. to become established in some routine, esp. upon marrying, after a period of independence or indecision.
b. to become calm or quiet.
c. to apply oneself to serious work: There were so many distractions that we weren't able to settle down to studying.
31. settle for, to be satisfied with: to settle for less.
32. settle into, to become established in: to settle into a new routine.
Really only 11, 30, & 31 bother me…
A friend of mine whom I see as being "Very non-settled" and who works all over the world, pointed out to me that it is simply the simplest way to do some things. And coming from someone that i don't see as “NEEDING” stability, it made it seem less saprophytic. For example raising children is hard, but not impossible from a backpack. It just depends on how you want to spend your energy. Staying in one place is not a failure. Compared to him I am soooo settled, but the fact that he had less of an issue with the idea of settling than I did surprised me. Kind of made me take a step back and reconsider my demonization “settle”. I guess when you are all over the place it makes you see the plus side of stability.
I need to stop thinking about building my life like a resumé to be presented in future settings, and more like building a home to live inside of… “a permanent mailing address".
...and if need be I can send out change of address cards.
I am where I am, but I won’t be here long. Don’t get too attached:
My next job will be the right one.My next relationship will be the right one.I love where I live but surely it is temporary!Oh when the house and land are paid off then I can…
The ultimate manifestation of a pathological procrastinator! I don’t dislike my present. I am not someone who can’t wait for the present to be over, I guess I just don’t take it terribly seriously. I can’t seem to stop deferring to the future. I am like an ant, never-endingly preparing for the winter. Though also never really committing to where I am. Always gleaning optimism from the future. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to stop looking forward. I just wish that I would be willing to believe that the present may be as good as it gets… THIS could be IT! (insert any given thought in place of THIS)
As I read this it seems like I am asking myself to settle. I have always HATED the word, and idea of settling. “Settling down.” Retch! I always have seen this as weakness. “Don’t settle for less!”But settling is complicated. and I seem to have grouped all meanings.
set·tle verb, -tled, -tling.
–verb (used with object)
1. to appoint, fix, or resolve definitely and conclusively; agree upon (as time, price, or conditions).
2. to place in a desired state or in order: to settle one's affairs.
3. to pay, as a bill.
4. to close (an account) by payment.
5. to migrate to and organize (an area, territory, etc.); colonize: The pilgrims settled Plymouth.
6. to cause to take up residence: They settled immigrants in urban areas.
7. to furnish (a place) with inhabitants or settlers: The French settled this colony with army veterans.
8. to quiet, calm, or bring to rest (the nerves, stomach, etc.).
9. to stop from annoying or opposing: A sharp word will settle that youngster.
10. to conclude or resolve: to settle a dispute.
11. to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis.
12. to cause (a liquid) to become clear by depositing dregs.
13. to cause (dregs, sediment, etc.) to sink or be deposited.
14. to cause to sink down gradually; make firm or compact.
15. to dispose of finally; close up: to settle an estate.
16. Law. a. to secure (property, title, etc.) on or to a person by formal or legal process.
b. to terminate (legal proceedings) by mutual consent of the parties.
–verb (used without object)
17. to decide, arrange, or agree (often fol. by on or upon): to settle on a plan of action.
18. to arrange matters in dispute; come to an agreement: to settle with a person.
19. to pay a bill; make a financial arrangement (often fol. by up).
20. to take up residence in a new country or place: Many Frenchmen settled along the Mississippi River following La Salle's explorations.
21. to come to rest, as from flight: A bird settled on a bough.
22. to gather, collect, or become fixed in a particular place, direction, etc.: A cold settled in my head.
23. to become calm or composed (often fol. by down): I'll wait until the class settles before starting the lesson.
24. to come to rest (often fol. by down): We settled down for the night at an old country inn.
25. to sink down gradually; subside.
26. to become clear by the sinking of suspended particles, as a liquid.
27. to sink to the bottom, as sediment.
28. to become firm or compact, as the ground.
29. (of a female animal) to become pregnant; conceive.
—Verb phrases
30. settle down, a. to become established in some routine, esp. upon marrying, after a period of independence or indecision.
b. to become calm or quiet.
c. to apply oneself to serious work: There were so many distractions that we weren't able to settle down to studying.
31. settle for, to be satisfied with: to settle for less.
32. settle into, to become established in: to settle into a new routine.
Really only 11, 30, & 31 bother me…
A friend of mine whom I see as being "Very non-settled" and who works all over the world, pointed out to me that it is simply the simplest way to do some things. And coming from someone that i don't see as “NEEDING” stability, it made it seem less saprophytic. For example raising children is hard, but not impossible from a backpack. It just depends on how you want to spend your energy. Staying in one place is not a failure. Compared to him I am soooo settled, but the fact that he had less of an issue with the idea of settling than I did surprised me. Kind of made me take a step back and reconsider my demonization “settle”. I guess when you are all over the place it makes you see the plus side of stability.
I need to stop thinking about building my life like a resumé to be presented in future settings, and more like building a home to live inside of… “a permanent mailing address".
...and if need be I can send out change of address cards.
Monday, November 26, 2007
wasted dates and car insurance.
hmmm. well here are the challenges of late:
1. restaurants. I have given myself permission to eat out/coffee out in a dating context. this is all fine and dandy. now i have found myself out for a drink and eats on 3 other occasions(excluding funerary activities surrounding grandma's passing, which i consider exempt) on 2 occasions out of town work people have been in Regina for meetings and I have been social and attended. this has been cordial, and I am sure good PR for future work in HIV/HCV stuff that i do, and also generally socialisation with Regina friends that i have met through work. but I am wondering if I should be taking a different approach. I will not suggest that should not have spent evenings with these folks. I think it is important to be a host in your city. but should i have pushed for them to come and eat at my place and shared a drink here? should i have eaten a cheese sandwich at home and socialised over as glass of water? In both instances i have insisted upon eating in a locally owned and non-chain restaurant. I have walked or car pooled to the location. But i can't help but feel like I am slipping.
The other restaurant event was out with my friends Amy & Mike, but they have been trying to take me out for sushi since the summer, and we have just not gotten around to it. so should i have deferred until next year? should i continued to insist upon eating at home, and that they didn't owe me dinner at all? I guess the problem is that i LIKE to eat out. I miss it. I miss not doing dishes. I miss the diversity without having to cook too much food. miss the feeling of being out. but this is not a need! this is not even close to a need.
a 4th event that is annoying me is that a friend set me up on a blind date 2 weeks ago, and i used my dating rule to meet this guy. His kids are 19. he has lived in the same place his whole life, and I have NO idea why my friend thought there would be chemistry. When he dropped me off at my house after lunch at a "family restaurant", he asked "Do you have problems with Natives around here?" I believe this question describes our compatibility. I answered "No, just systemic racism." I think this was lost on him. the sad thing is that it was a total waste of a "going out" opportunity. blah! No more blind dates for a while.
This weekend i temporarily re-insured my car. I was going to rent one to go and spend the weekend with my dad at the cabin, after all it cost the same for a month of insurance, as a weekend rental. but then 2 things came to the fore front.
1. I could get a refund for the rest of the month so it would be cheaper to use my car.
2. Most of the reason i wanted to rent was shiny factor. sure winter tires were in my head a bit, but it was more fascination with driving a Suzuki swift for the weekend. and that is not the point of this exercises.
So Kia And I drove up to the Cabin, spent a quiet weekend with my Dad, and Ben the dog, watched the gray cup, cooked in the fireplace, and walked in the woods. I will take my recycling to the Depot this week, and next weekend I will go and see my other grandmother, who is almost 90 and lives out of town, and then I will nix the insurance again.
Oh, and for any friend of mine who wishes to set me up on a date: please don't.
1. restaurants. I have given myself permission to eat out/coffee out in a dating context. this is all fine and dandy. now i have found myself out for a drink and eats on 3 other occasions(excluding funerary activities surrounding grandma's passing, which i consider exempt) on 2 occasions out of town work people have been in Regina for meetings and I have been social and attended. this has been cordial, and I am sure good PR for future work in HIV/HCV stuff that i do, and also generally socialisation with Regina friends that i have met through work. but I am wondering if I should be taking a different approach. I will not suggest that should not have spent evenings with these folks. I think it is important to be a host in your city. but should i have pushed for them to come and eat at my place and shared a drink here? should i have eaten a cheese sandwich at home and socialised over as glass of water? In both instances i have insisted upon eating in a locally owned and non-chain restaurant. I have walked or car pooled to the location. But i can't help but feel like I am slipping.
The other restaurant event was out with my friends Amy & Mike, but they have been trying to take me out for sushi since the summer, and we have just not gotten around to it. so should i have deferred until next year? should i continued to insist upon eating at home, and that they didn't owe me dinner at all? I guess the problem is that i LIKE to eat out. I miss it. I miss not doing dishes. I miss the diversity without having to cook too much food. miss the feeling of being out. but this is not a need! this is not even close to a need.
a 4th event that is annoying me is that a friend set me up on a blind date 2 weeks ago, and i used my dating rule to meet this guy. His kids are 19. he has lived in the same place his whole life, and I have NO idea why my friend thought there would be chemistry. When he dropped me off at my house after lunch at a "family restaurant", he asked "Do you have problems with Natives around here?" I believe this question describes our compatibility. I answered "No, just systemic racism." I think this was lost on him. the sad thing is that it was a total waste of a "going out" opportunity. blah! No more blind dates for a while.
This weekend i temporarily re-insured my car. I was going to rent one to go and spend the weekend with my dad at the cabin, after all it cost the same for a month of insurance, as a weekend rental. but then 2 things came to the fore front.
1. I could get a refund for the rest of the month so it would be cheaper to use my car.
2. Most of the reason i wanted to rent was shiny factor. sure winter tires were in my head a bit, but it was more fascination with driving a Suzuki swift for the weekend. and that is not the point of this exercises.
So Kia And I drove up to the Cabin, spent a quiet weekend with my Dad, and Ben the dog, watched the gray cup, cooked in the fireplace, and walked in the woods. I will take my recycling to the Depot this week, and next weekend I will go and see my other grandmother, who is almost 90 and lives out of town, and then I will nix the insurance again.
Oh, and for any friend of mine who wishes to set me up on a date: please don't.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Going strong.
It feels weird to shift to talking about retail abstinence after the weighty topics of late.
The retail hiatus is still going strong. I did some sewing this weekend, and have been feeling really good about the process. I am going to have to make a trip to value village for new jeans soon, as mine are more patch than structure now and soon they may be declared a hazard. Sewing jeans not a fun game, so I will buy a pair second hand. I am also hoping to renovate a wool winter coat soon. Start out with a huge brightly coloured monstrosity, and end with my own monstrous creation.
This weekend i finished a few Crochet and sewing projects.
This weekend I attended a regina Ecoliving potluck, walked around the lake, and slept in. It was awesome. I organised an office potluck in place of our usual restaurant excursion and it was well received by all... amazing food!
The concert i was planning on attending last week was cancelled, so i now need to find a replacement Nov social event... Might go to BC at the end of the month for a Mike Doughty concert, but i have not heard back from the venue if there are tickets left.
It is getting very dark again... I feel like there is a layer of wax and wool on my brain these days. need more sun!
okay. sleep is free. I am going to go get me some!
E
The retail hiatus is still going strong. I did some sewing this weekend, and have been feeling really good about the process. I am going to have to make a trip to value village for new jeans soon, as mine are more patch than structure now and soon they may be declared a hazard. Sewing jeans not a fun game, so I will buy a pair second hand. I am also hoping to renovate a wool winter coat soon. Start out with a huge brightly coloured monstrosity, and end with my own monstrous creation.
This weekend i finished a few Crochet and sewing projects.
This weekend I attended a regina Ecoliving potluck, walked around the lake, and slept in. It was awesome. I organised an office potluck in place of our usual restaurant excursion and it was well received by all... amazing food!
The concert i was planning on attending last week was cancelled, so i now need to find a replacement Nov social event... Might go to BC at the end of the month for a Mike Doughty concert, but i have not heard back from the venue if there are tickets left.
It is getting very dark again... I feel like there is a layer of wax and wool on my brain these days. need more sun!
okay. sleep is free. I am going to go get me some!
E
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Well it has been one week since my grandmother passed away. It is crazy how the world fills in around the people when they go. I have a sense of procrastination about not going to visit her. It is hard to believe after so many years of various struggles that it can end. It seemed that that state was perpetual.
My mom and I stayed with her on the night before she died until about 2 in the morning. I think we both planned on staying all night but as the night passed, she was stable and resting relatively comfortably so we decided to go home and sleep for a few hours, recharging our batteries for the next day that we anticipated. It is funny, because I remember the trip back to my house is a weird sleepy stupor. I remember parts of the trip like I was driving even though we were in a cab, but also remember that the cab driver was a very abrupt and crazy driver. Both mom and I fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow, despite expecting exhausted layers of insomnia. At 4:48, Ken, my grandmother’s nurse called. She had just passed away. I called another cab, this one less rabid, and got dressed. We were there within 15 minutes.
I had never seen a dead person before. Or touched one.
The last time I saw her alive, her laboured breathing was shallow, and she was not able to respond to anything in the room. The silence in her room at 5 am was very strange. The room’s light flickered with light from her neighbours muted TV tuned to the home shopping network. She was still comfortably tucked into her bed, eye’s closed. Her hands and face were still very warm. Her colour had not changed much, which surprised me. It was definitely different than sleeping. I think it was the stillness. She was beautiful and scary at the same time.
I really value that last hour or so that we were able to spend with her, after she had gone. It was still early, so there were not many staff or people in the halls, giving us privacy and a lending a sense of the sacred to this time spent in a public place.
I am also very thankful for the time grandma and I spent together on the last day of her life. I talked to her about the great memories that I would keep close to my heart, share with my friends, and hopefully share with my children. I asked her for a few favours for myself and friends. A bit odd, and I felt weird asking, but I felt like she was close to having better insight than I have into “the big picture” so who better to ask? And weirdly, parts of my life related to my inquiry have started to change, not significantly, but more change than I have seen in a while. I have a good friend that I asked her to check on too, and there have been a few stirrings in that direction as well, though resolution on all fronts is still beyond the horizon.
I left my grandmother for a few hours on Halloween, to hand out candy, and have some supper. A good friend supplied the ride and the dinner as well as some good rejuvenating conversation. But before I left she kissed me good-bye. I had to ask her a few times, but she puckered her lips and pressed them to my cheek, wish I had placed close-by. When I returned later than evening she was no longer responsive. I wondered if I should have stayed, but that good-bye, potentially not possible an hour later, was such a gift that I know it happened for a reason.
I left my grandmother for a few hours on Halloween, to hand out candy, and have some supper. A good friend supplied the ride and the dinner as well as some good rejuvenating conversation. But before I left she kissed me good-bye. I had to ask her a few times, but she puckered her lips and pressed them to my cheek, wish I had placed close-by. When I returned later than evening she was no longer responsive. I wondered if I should have stayed, but that good-bye, potentially not possible an hour later, was such a gift that I know it happened for a reason.
After the funeral home came, and Mom and I made up her bed and tidied her room. Then we went and enjoyed a lovely breakfast at the Hotel Regina, I had Tea and hot chocolate. It was weird to be in public. It was weird to feel okay, sad but okay. I felt like it should have been obvious that we had just been sitting with the dead, that somehow the world should smell different, feel different.
But it was the same.
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