It seems that if you google the term "I don't Buy it" I am the 5th hit.
That is pretty interesting.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
not sure how the ending should go.
My grandmother is dying right now. maybe tonight. maybe tomorrow. She has been sick for a very long time with a list of things that are not killing her alone. Her pain has gotten to the phase that managing it is finishing the job that auto-immune disease, a heart condition, osteoporosis, diabetes, long term prednisone, urinary tract infections and depression have been too weak to finish.
I think that by managing her pain this way we are giving her the comfort and dignity that she deserves. I wonder where death starts and where a morphine stupor begins. Is she already mostly gone, and just pops back into this world from the next when we rouse her to offer greetings, a sip of water or to signify our departure for the evening. What will change for her when this is finished? is it a snap from one place to another or even oblivion? is it a fading from one scene to another?
My relationship with her has had many ups and downs. As a young child we were not close, but she was my favourite grandma because she did not bug me as much as my other fussy grandma did. She and my grandfather made me my doll house and she sewed neat Barbie clothes. She grew raspberries in the back yard and canned plums.
As a teen i stayed with her for weeks in the summer, on year with strep throat on her couch. We picked saskatoons, and strawberries. She took pictures of me dressed up in her old wigs and my grandpa's clothes pretending to be a detective. She used to wear wigs in her younger years. The basement always had the same smell. As kids my sisters and cousins and I would spend hours in slippers she made, drawing on the blackboard in the basement, climbing on the freezer to bug Tom the cat.
She has a hammer toe and is very embarrassed of her perceived bow legs and feet. She made chicken and broccoli casserole when we came to visit, and made very good muffins. blueberry or mincemeat.
When i got divorced i wrote to all my family telling them, and she wrote me a wonderful letter back that i still have, a letter that calmed my fears of being a grave disappointment.
When i moved to Saskatoon for school I would drive up to Prince Albert where she and my other grandparents lived for the weekend. She taught me to can beets and make jam. We would eat veggie burgers and i would help with whatever chores she had for me. up and down the stairs from the kitchen to the deep freeze. We would watch PBS nature documentaries.
We also had conflict. Mostly over the way she treated my mom. we have had our fights. some active and some simply periods of silence. but somehow, we remain close. I really will miss her despite this shitty interludes.
I think that part of the Cosmic Reason for me Moving here to Saskatchewan had to do with my grandparents. I am not here for work or school. Being near to them has done more to change who i am and the relationship I have with them, than any of the academic endeavours here.
In Saskatoon i had the chance to spend almost 3 weeks with myother grandmother, my Dad's mom, in the hospital when she had heart problems. telling stories, just getting to know each other.
funny, at both intervals or sick grandmothers there have been some conflicts with the roll i am playing as a grand-daughter.
I think that I want to have children not just because i want to have them for them and the people they will be, but because of the potential to also meet the people the will raise as my grandchildren. the extra gap in generations just seems to work . My grandparents have been more important to me recently than they were when i was a kid. then they were a source of gifts or interference. a source of praise or conflict. Now they are pieces of me. positive and negative.
From her i think i have a desire to grow food and flowers. I like to make pickles and jams. She credits herself for my non-fear of bugs and things-that-crawl from my time in her garden and the things that i would encounter in the raspberry patch and rows of beans. I do remember running screaming from the berries after tossing the harvest into the air after a daddy long legs found his way into the bucket. But i went back in.she explained he had every right to be there, and the good wirk he did.
I do not have her sense of house-keeping, or of the need to iron sheets. i do not iron sheets. and if i had a dish washer i would put the ALL the dishes in it. not wash some separately.
Right now i feel like i have rushed too much through life. like i am missing the point of things. I feel like I want to slow it all down.
I realise that my sister's child will be me. in the sense of being the eldest grandchild. they will remember my parents as younger grandparents than my children will ever be able to.
I think that by managing her pain this way we are giving her the comfort and dignity that she deserves. I wonder where death starts and where a morphine stupor begins. Is she already mostly gone, and just pops back into this world from the next when we rouse her to offer greetings, a sip of water or to signify our departure for the evening. What will change for her when this is finished? is it a snap from one place to another or even oblivion? is it a fading from one scene to another?
My relationship with her has had many ups and downs. As a young child we were not close, but she was my favourite grandma because she did not bug me as much as my other fussy grandma did. She and my grandfather made me my doll house and she sewed neat Barbie clothes. She grew raspberries in the back yard and canned plums.
As a teen i stayed with her for weeks in the summer, on year with strep throat on her couch. We picked saskatoons, and strawberries. She took pictures of me dressed up in her old wigs and my grandpa's clothes pretending to be a detective. She used to wear wigs in her younger years. The basement always had the same smell. As kids my sisters and cousins and I would spend hours in slippers she made, drawing on the blackboard in the basement, climbing on the freezer to bug Tom the cat.
She has a hammer toe and is very embarrassed of her perceived bow legs and feet. She made chicken and broccoli casserole when we came to visit, and made very good muffins. blueberry or mincemeat.
When i got divorced i wrote to all my family telling them, and she wrote me a wonderful letter back that i still have, a letter that calmed my fears of being a grave disappointment.
When i moved to Saskatoon for school I would drive up to Prince Albert where she and my other grandparents lived for the weekend. She taught me to can beets and make jam. We would eat veggie burgers and i would help with whatever chores she had for me. up and down the stairs from the kitchen to the deep freeze. We would watch PBS nature documentaries.
We also had conflict. Mostly over the way she treated my mom. we have had our fights. some active and some simply periods of silence. but somehow, we remain close. I really will miss her despite this shitty interludes.
I think that part of the Cosmic Reason for me Moving here to Saskatchewan had to do with my grandparents. I am not here for work or school. Being near to them has done more to change who i am and the relationship I have with them, than any of the academic endeavours here.
In Saskatoon i had the chance to spend almost 3 weeks with myother grandmother, my Dad's mom, in the hospital when she had heart problems. telling stories, just getting to know each other.
funny, at both intervals or sick grandmothers there have been some conflicts with the roll i am playing as a grand-daughter.
I think that I want to have children not just because i want to have them for them and the people they will be, but because of the potential to also meet the people the will raise as my grandchildren. the extra gap in generations just seems to work . My grandparents have been more important to me recently than they were when i was a kid. then they were a source of gifts or interference. a source of praise or conflict. Now they are pieces of me. positive and negative.
From her i think i have a desire to grow food and flowers. I like to make pickles and jams. She credits herself for my non-fear of bugs and things-that-crawl from my time in her garden and the things that i would encounter in the raspberry patch and rows of beans. I do remember running screaming from the berries after tossing the harvest into the air after a daddy long legs found his way into the bucket. But i went back in.she explained he had every right to be there, and the good wirk he did.
I do not have her sense of house-keeping, or of the need to iron sheets. i do not iron sheets. and if i had a dish washer i would put the ALL the dishes in it. not wash some separately.
Right now i feel like i have rushed too much through life. like i am missing the point of things. I feel like I want to slow it all down.
I realise that my sister's child will be me. in the sense of being the eldest grandchild. they will remember my parents as younger grandparents than my children will ever be able to.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tarantulove
This weekend i went with Amy to the Exoctic Animal and Bird Auction...
There were ducks and geese and fowl of every colour and flavour. Many Fancy Chickens.
Many ornery rural folk, who steel seets, and generally act like jerks. Karma on them!
Amy Fell in love with a pair of Blue-eyed white geese that she would like to have living in her back yard. I convinced her to find out who brought them, and make sure that she was ready to recieve them before welcoming a pair home. I know she wishes she had brought them home with her. and they were very cute and seemed to like having their heads scritched.
There were many types of bunnies, chinchilas, and other soft pets like munchkin cats( they have short legs like a wiener dog)
There were tropical fish and budgies, and cockateals. There were hamsters, and rats and a hedgehog.
There were ducks and geese and fowl of every colour and flavour. Many Fancy Chickens.Many ornery rural folk, who steel seets, and generally act like jerks. Karma on them!
Amy Fell in love with a pair of Blue-eyed white geese that she would like to have living in her back yard. I convinced her to find out who brought them, and make sure that she was ready to recieve them before welcoming a pair home. I know she wishes she had brought them home with her. and they were very cute and seemed to like having their heads scritched.
There were many types of bunnies, chinchilas, and other soft pets like munchkin cats( they have short legs like a wiener dog)
There were tropical fish and budgies, and cockateals. There were hamsters, and rats and a hedgehog.I wish that I could have bottled the feeling in the air in that place. Not because it was pleasant, but because it was CRAZY! The auctioneer rattles on like any auctioneer would, except that he is looking for bidders on a rare kind of lop-eared rabbit and not on a holstien heffer or a sweet Datsun. :)
And they had tarantulas. 2 of them. Striped kneed tarantulas.
And they had tarantulas. 2 of them. Striped kneed tarantulas. One of the species that i handled when i volunteered at the BUG-ROOM in Edmonton.
and as I sat there the bidding started at $50...
No Takers.
No Takers.
No Takers.
...and ended up and $10 and still no-one was bidding... I guess farmers don't want spiders.
and so i bid... ended up with both for 15$.
so now i have 2 spiders.
And i know i have a few friends who will not want to visit me now... I am sorry! But they had no home! No Tarantulove at all! Because i love you phobes i have posted no pictures, and Amy said she would take them if people were scared to visit...
I have given them names based on their female gender and their stripy legs...
The big one is Raggedy Anne and the smaller one is Pippy Long-Stockings, Pippy for short...
I played them Tarantulove, by Mister Workman so they would feel at home, but think they are more into hip hop cause they didn't dance at all....
And after looking up their care on the internet it seems that i will have to turn up the heat in my house, as 16C is not warm enough for them... My sister will shake her head that i froze her all winter and a spider makes me turn up the heat. Funny.
Brand Free Kids
Thanks to my friend Rich for sending this to me, I was talking to my friend Amy this weekend about the fear of raising Brand/Consumption Obsessed Future/Imaginary children... very a propos.
Kyla Epstein and son Max Suy-Epstein. Photo C. Kimmett
From day one, you've got to fight Winnie the Pooh.
By Colleen KimmettPublished: October 30, 2007
TheTyee.ca
Parents, be warned: It takes only a single visit to McDonald's for your child to get hooked on the greasy stuff for life.
Okay, so that's an exaggeration. But the three-year-old son of Angela Verbrugge still remembers his one and only meal under the golden arches. Which has Verbrugge worried.
And Kyla Epstein swears if her young son Max ever wants to eat there, he'll be doing it on his own dime.
These parents aren't raging against the health detriments of fast food. Instead, they are making a conscious effort to limit the amount of branding and advertising their kids are exposed to in all aspects of their lives; what they eat, wear, watch and play with.
It's not easy. Brands are everywhere -- literally.
Disney 24/7
Genevieve McMahon says she experienced an "eye-opening" moment the first time she bought disposable diapers for her newborn daughter Imogen, who was then too small for the cloth variety her parents preferred.
"We were unpacking them to put them in her drawer and realized there were Walt Disney Winnie the Pooh characters all over them," she says.
"It was at that point when we were like, oh wow ... it's everywhere. I mean, she's not even conscious and yet here they are advertising. I'm staring at it everyday. And eventually...she's going to recognize them."
Kyla Epstein and son Max Suy-Epstein. Photo C. Kimmett
From day one, you've got to fight Winnie the Pooh.
By Colleen KimmettPublished: October 30, 2007
TheTyee.ca
Parents, be warned: It takes only a single visit to McDonald's for your child to get hooked on the greasy stuff for life.
Okay, so that's an exaggeration. But the three-year-old son of Angela Verbrugge still remembers his one and only meal under the golden arches. Which has Verbrugge worried.
And Kyla Epstein swears if her young son Max ever wants to eat there, he'll be doing it on his own dime.
These parents aren't raging against the health detriments of fast food. Instead, they are making a conscious effort to limit the amount of branding and advertising their kids are exposed to in all aspects of their lives; what they eat, wear, watch and play with.
It's not easy. Brands are everywhere -- literally.
Disney 24/7
Genevieve McMahon says she experienced an "eye-opening" moment the first time she bought disposable diapers for her newborn daughter Imogen, who was then too small for the cloth variety her parents preferred.
"We were unpacking them to put them in her drawer and realized there were Walt Disney Winnie the Pooh characters all over them," she says.
"It was at that point when we were like, oh wow ... it's everywhere. I mean, she's not even conscious and yet here they are advertising. I'm staring at it everyday. And eventually...she's going to recognize them."
PS. after i had copied and pasted this from the web page i realised that it had insterted the word "ADVERTISEMENT" into the text at various intervals. Rather ironic don't you think?
Compromise VS Compromising My Values
On Sunday my Aunt and Uncle and Mom were in town to see my grandmother who is palliatively ill.
My mom came into town Saturday, and they were just in for the afternoon from the farm (yes, this is Saskatchewan) They wanted to go out as a family for dinner after a day at grandma's bedside.
At first I told my mom that i would just eat first and join them for conversation and not food, but i guess that suggestion was not well recieved.
They offered to pay, and i explained that it wasn't just about money, and offered to make pizza and that they could come here to my place to eat. I would even "let them" bring a bottle of wine!
But they siad that was too much work for me ( I would not have offered if that was the case!) so we "compromised".
We changed venue from Tony Roma's (which i don;t really like even when buying EVERYTHING) to a locally owned place. I drank water and had a bowl of in house made tomato & cilantro soup. I was quite satisfied, we enjoyed our time together and I even had a chance to explain the crazy actions of their urban neice. (me)
I guess i had to realise that the reason i was doing it was not to avoid socialization, especially at at a time when famioly needs to be together, and that the value of my family was more important than that of my no-restaurant-food values.
And I will admit the soup was great, it was good to laugh instead of worry, and it was also great not to have to clean up afterwards!
My mom came into town Saturday, and they were just in for the afternoon from the farm (yes, this is Saskatchewan) They wanted to go out as a family for dinner after a day at grandma's bedside.
At first I told my mom that i would just eat first and join them for conversation and not food, but i guess that suggestion was not well recieved.
They offered to pay, and i explained that it wasn't just about money, and offered to make pizza and that they could come here to my place to eat. I would even "let them" bring a bottle of wine!
But they siad that was too much work for me ( I would not have offered if that was the case!) so we "compromised".
We changed venue from Tony Roma's (which i don;t really like even when buying EVERYTHING) to a locally owned place. I drank water and had a bowl of in house made tomato & cilantro soup. I was quite satisfied, we enjoyed our time together and I even had a chance to explain the crazy actions of their urban neice. (me)
I guess i had to realise that the reason i was doing it was not to avoid socialization, especially at at a time when famioly needs to be together, and that the value of my family was more important than that of my no-restaurant-food values.
And I will admit the soup was great, it was good to laugh instead of worry, and it was also great not to have to clean up afterwards!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Why is there Air? A night with Bill Cosby!
So for my October Cultrual Event i bought a ticket for Bill Cosby at the casina. Bought it this afternoon after work, they released a few more tickets today. I had been disappointed that it was sold out when i 1st got back from london. but thought it was worth a try to try teh same day. I got two great tickets for my friend Alexia and I. Quite close to the front at a table.
Throughout the show i had to keep reminding myself that i was actually in the room with him.
I guess i should explain why Bill Cosby is such a big deal to me. since i was a kid we had bill cosby comedy records. I had thema l memorized. I would put the records on and laugh and laugh,,, " the aliens came down out of the sky and gave me a chicket" was a favourite. I am sure many of my friends also are familiar with these skits as i often imposed this good time on them. My parents had 3 or4 of his records, and then as a teen i discovered the beauty of used records stores and became a real collector. I probably have at least 10 of his records. They all make me laugh out loud. They have always cheered me up when i was blue.
When My X and I split up, and I dropped him off at the airport. I was the instigator and the break up was the right thing for the both of us, but still after spending 6 years together you can't help but be sad... But on the way home I listened to Bill all the way.It was a great sound track for my maiden voyage driving standard, and being single. I laughed and felt better.
I think of the few celebrities that i would like to meet and I think the Cos and Mr Dress Up are the 2 that have been with me long enough that they are part of who i am.
My many friends that are often sighing about my odd sense of humour probably can blame part of it on Bill.
shall i recap?( sorry of this means nothing but if it means nothing go catch up on your cosby comedy)
"Did you kill a roach today?" " Yah I killed a roach today" and there we were. Walking to the dump.
"The glazed donut moster"
" My uncle walter, died of a haht attack." "What? Some hats jumped on him and attacked him?" " no his haht. his hat attacked him" (haht=heart with 'merican accent)
"My friend lent me a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon. a volkswagon..."( here's where our record skipped)
So after many great skits this evening on subjects ranging from the roughriders. to husbands and wives, to our small town of Regina, he makes a remark that makes someone near the front with a remarkable laugh, laugh.
Bill (yah we're on a 1st name basis) says he has to meet this laugh, and then invites her family up to get their picture taken. but they don't have a camera. so he askes who in the audience has a camera.
silence.
So I yell out that i have one, and he says to come on up and take the picture.
so i ran up a few rows and took their picture. Afterwards, one of them gave me their card so that i could email it, and i think, oh too bad no pic for me...
but then he invites me to come and have my picture taken!!!
I GAVE HIM THE BIGGEST HUG!!
I asked him to say "chicklet".. and HE DID.... all of this in the middle of the show!
He thought i wanted him to do the chicket routine, and said "not tonight" which everyone heard and laughed about, but i said nope just the word!... ( my GAWD i am such a nerd) so he said chicklet.
and then off to my seat i went, a twitter like i have not been in ages...
and THEN he did the Dentist routine from the same era of records! About dentists and the giant picks that they jab your cavities with and how the cover up their mistakes by asking you to rinse...
He does an impression of severely frozen mouth that almost had me peeing...
" i don;t have a bottom lip and you want me to spit!" so since you have no bottom lip you just open your mouth and let it all fall out... but there is a line of spit between your bottom lip and that tiny toilet bowl. so you try and shake it off! and it is shaking over here and it is shaking over there. The denstist sees it and says "oh look! a rainbow!" and he sends you a bill for that! making rainbows!"
I have not laughed so hard in sooo long!! ! best cultural event of the buy nothing year EVAH!!!
Dentistssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I bought it.
So I bought the new fridge yesterday. Still don't have it home yet, but tomorrow hopefully. Amy kindly volunteered her car to help me fetch the fridge but it was not ready for pick-up in time to take her step-son to basket ball, hence It is still at SEARS.
Living out of the electric cooler, though inefficient, it has me in the small fridge habbit. The new fridge is stainless, and pretty cute. I hope its modern finish does not conflict with the rest of the kitchen.
I also bought something else that i had not planned on buying, and it is making me feel worse than i know it should! I bought a $5.99 black asymetrical cartigan at value village. I was only looking for wool for christmas gifts. Amy was looking for a black cartigan, and in helping her look i came across it. I think it really is me. It fits well, and winter is coming. I think I need to get over myself.
Living out of the electric cooler, though inefficient, it has me in the small fridge habbit. The new fridge is stainless, and pretty cute. I hope its modern finish does not conflict with the rest of the kitchen.
I also bought something else that i had not planned on buying, and it is making me feel worse than i know it should! I bought a $5.99 black asymetrical cartigan at value village. I was only looking for wool for christmas gifts. Amy was looking for a black cartigan, and in helping her look i came across it. I think it really is me. It fits well, and winter is coming. I think I need to get over myself.
How I feel How I feel.
Have you ever thought about, and tried to differentiate the sensations of missing things or people?
I walked home from work today. I finished late, it was 19C, and I needed some debriefing time.
The warm night air in the park on my way home brought on a nagging nostalgia: that gutty longing for summer nights past, of long walks in the ravine with friends in junior high, of looking up at the sky on camping trips. No specific memories, just themes of memories.
And then I started to think about HOW I was feeling WHAT I was feeling. I started thinking about people I miss, or have missed and tried to quantify and qualify it.
All of the missing things involve various degrees of an aching chest. Varying depths and strengths of chest involvement.
When I miss my Mom and Dad it is in the center of my chest and the upper surface of my arms, the hug muscles. Missing my Dad is also a bit in my upper back. I think this is because his hugs are a bit bigger, and he is a back-patter when he hugs.
Missing good friends is also in the center of my chest, but spreads to my cheeks; the laughing, smiling parts.
I miss my cats with my fingertips.
I miss more intimate friends with the small of my back and the space just in front of my lips.
I miss my home with a general body ache.
I miss people I have never met, but would like to meet, with my forehead.
I miss running with the skin on my face and neck.
I miss the Ocean with my nose and lungs.
I miss my sister’s yet-to-be-born child with my eyes, my arms, my chest, my cheek.
I walked home from work today. I finished late, it was 19C, and I needed some debriefing time.
The warm night air in the park on my way home brought on a nagging nostalgia: that gutty longing for summer nights past, of long walks in the ravine with friends in junior high, of looking up at the sky on camping trips. No specific memories, just themes of memories.
And then I started to think about HOW I was feeling WHAT I was feeling. I started thinking about people I miss, or have missed and tried to quantify and qualify it.
All of the missing things involve various degrees of an aching chest. Varying depths and strengths of chest involvement.
When I miss my Mom and Dad it is in the center of my chest and the upper surface of my arms, the hug muscles. Missing my Dad is also a bit in my upper back. I think this is because his hugs are a bit bigger, and he is a back-patter when he hugs.
Missing good friends is also in the center of my chest, but spreads to my cheeks; the laughing, smiling parts.
I miss my cats with my fingertips.
I miss more intimate friends with the small of my back and the space just in front of my lips.
I miss my home with a general body ache.
I miss people I have never met, but would like to meet, with my forehead.
I miss running with the skin on my face and neck.
I miss the Ocean with my nose and lungs.
I miss my sister’s yet-to-be-born child with my eyes, my arms, my chest, my cheek.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Recent and necessary evils (purchases).
Good Bye Fridge!In preparation for the arrival of the new smaller fridge I have painted the previously hidden microwave stand and a little table that the new fridge will go on to put it at a convenient height with left-over paint from the trim in my house, so everything is all very match-y now.
I have started on a wedding gift for a friend, a sewing project, so far I am quite pleased. It did require the minimal capital purchase of a few sewing supplies, though they are all raw materials.
Last week I also bought materials for Halloween decorations. I guess this is a bit of a cheat, but most of the materials I already had. Cheese cloth for making ghosts for the yard ($3.40 per ghost). Rit dye for colouring it ($1.50 per pack) There are currently 2 in my yard I a white wispy one and a red demonic one. I also made ghosts with my friend Amy’s Step kids on Saturday night. They all turned out great. Very spooky.
The decorating of the yard turned out great. I made a coffin out of the old fence we took down this summer. It is all holes and cracks so the lights I put in it shine out in a eerie way. I also made a bunch of grave markers out of the fence boards, and other wood that has been salvaged, found under the deck, etc etc. There are creepy eyes peering out of the leaves made out of a cracked painted tennis ball left-over from an over-zealous dog named Jessie, and a Styrofoam ball that some how ended up in the bushes after a wind storm. I painted scary eyes on the old toilet that I replaced with a low flow, and added teeth and a long red tongue from the scraps of a long ago sewing project.
I really hope I get lots of kids on Halloween! Which brings me to my next purchase. I will need to buy Halloween candy. I can’t give away home-made stuff (safety issues). I am currently trying to see if there is such a thing as fair-trade candy, or organic or organic fair trade candy… so far no luck… sugar sugar everywhere, and not a fair-trade treat to eat!
Home is where the H is.
This weekend I had a conversation with a friend about why Regina is Home… with a capital H. I have been thinking a lot about it since.
All are welcome for dinner!
I think I will leave this place following my Heart: whether this is my Heart in the form of a person; or my Heart as a driving whim; or my Heart as a drive to do different things in a different setting.
I have loved a few cities. Halifax was one: I loved it as a kid before I ever set foot there. And even when I left, I kept calling it home for nearly 4 years, probably because I left a piece of my Heart there. But now I have that piece back, and though I still love that city, it is not Home any more.
I guess I don’t have my heart nailed to anything that specific here, I guess my Heart feels good just being here and being open to what ever is next. And just feeling open feels pretty damn great.
I have always been of the idea that you need to be happy where ever you are, and much of that is a decision, perhaps a faith that you are where you should be, where ever that is.
Heart with a Capital H.
Home with a Capital H.
In the end I guess if my Heart leaves, I will have to go where ever it has found its new Home.
All are welcome for dinner!At the time I suggested that it may be because I moved here after a big break-up. It might be that compared to Saskatoon, my 1st Saskatchewan stop, In Regina I feel like I am building a life, living in the whole city, not just campus.
My friend asked if it was simply cost of living, and in someways I know it is. It means that as a single income household I have the disposable income to not be house poor, that I can see an end to my mortgages. Though I don’t know what I will do when the house and land are paid for, it seems that the freedom that may bring is very heartening. I think about taking my kids (imaginary at present) out of school and traveling for a year here and there, I think of possible shifts in career to less-lucrative fields without fear of foreclosure. I think of working part time.
My friend asked if it was simply cost of living, and in someways I know it is. It means that as a single income household I have the disposable income to not be house poor, that I can see an end to my mortgages. Though I don’t know what I will do when the house and land are paid for, it seems that the freedom that may bring is very heartening. I think about taking my kids (imaginary at present) out of school and traveling for a year here and there, I think of possible shifts in career to less-lucrative fields without fear of foreclosure. I think of working part time.
As my friend suggested, perhaps part of the home feeling is the independence that I have here. I make my decisions. I am accountable to myself. and that is pretty much it. I am building new networks of friends that are outside work and school, that are “mine”, not borrowed from a boyfriend, no just joining an existing group. In network terms i am becoming a bridging component between currently unconnected networks.
I think part of my love of this city is the love of my home. I feel like it says more about me than I ever could (and for those of you that know me, I can say A LOT). I like that people feel welcome when they step in the door. I feel like the place has good Karma, or JuJu or gestalt, or what ever you would call it. I feel Home when I am Home.
The Living Room, I like living there.
I think I will leave this place following my Heart: whether this is my Heart in the form of a person; or my Heart as a driving whim; or my Heart as a drive to do different things in a different setting.
I have loved a few cities. Halifax was one: I loved it as a kid before I ever set foot there. And even when I left, I kept calling it home for nearly 4 years, probably because I left a piece of my Heart there. But now I have that piece back, and though I still love that city, it is not Home any more.
I guess I don’t have my heart nailed to anything that specific here, I guess my Heart feels good just being here and being open to what ever is next. And just feeling open feels pretty damn great.
I have always been of the idea that you need to be happy where ever you are, and much of that is a decision, perhaps a faith that you are where you should be, where ever that is.
Heart with a Capital H.
Home with a Capital H.
In the end I guess if my Heart leaves, I will have to go where ever it has found its new Home.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
wanting? needing? neither!
I have found the thing that makes me want to cheet... It is music... or events in general... I catch myself trying to convince myself that a concert has no foot print... and why, if i can attend 3 free concerts, can't I pay for 3?
I know that my rules are not like laws of nature. That technically there is nothing truely stopping me in the way that there is gavity stoping me from just choosing to levitate.
But then i think that the part of the point of this is (re)learning the difference between want and need. It truely is a want. But it is a pretty good want... and by good i mean, ethically and pleasingly good.
But then i also believe that supporting artists and the arts in general should be a priority...
I have found an outlet for missing new CDs... CBC Radio 3.... Canadian Music, free, and you can build playlists so you have on-demand Music... Pretty awesome... Have the good ol' lap top hooked to the stereo, and rock on!
Perhaps this has become a bit about being cheap-o... have i started hording my money when others a hording things they have purchased?
Now i by no means wish this delema a mean that i wish to stop the Buy-nothing year... It is liberating really. and it makes me feel better about the future of the universe... even though i recognise that i am not really making a dent...
I don't miss shopping for clothes. Sewing them is more rewarding (thought their have been a few disasters...)
I don't miss premade foods, except when i get home late from work and am hungary. But the solution i have found for this is perhaps a bit of a cheat... At the Ukrainian CO-OP by my house i have found locally-home-made pierogis. they are non-processed and part of the local food concept. This winter i hope to make some from scratch and freeze them, but until then, i think they are pretty awesome. I like to hope someone's little granny made them.
I don't miss driving. I have found that the bus makes me prioritise my time and plan my trips. I think in the end it saves time, because i don't end up going back and forth between ends of town in a disorganised, and indecisive retail furvor. I really enjoy my time on the bus. It helps me plan my day, and de-compress after work. I plan meals, I plan analysis (for work), I eavesdrop.
It is wrong, but that part is kind of fun! Makes life seem normal.
I have been walking every where that i don't take my bike or the bus... I think my pants are already fitting better! ( yay free bonus!) This weekend I walked all over the city. Walked with a friend around the lake in the afternoon on Monday, and then again with other pals and their dog. Great for the general state of mind.
One other thing that feels good about this process is that it is seeming to bring out the sharing side of people, I have a friend that is passing on his few days old globe and mail. ( not that i got this paper before, but due to the buy nothing thing we had a conversation that lead to me reusing his) I have found a group called full-circle (like free cycle) where people can post what they need, or what they have, and all is exchanged for free. I am hoping to find a new home for my fridge, and am planning on replacing it with a smaller, and more eficient one. There is no need for me to have such a Huge (normal sized i guess, but for 1 person, huge) one. So if the fridge finds a home i will be (Gasp) buying a new littler one.
Okay, well i need to hit the hey.
I Hope all is well with you, and that this ramble will not drive you to drink!
CHeers!
Erin
I know that my rules are not like laws of nature. That technically there is nothing truely stopping me in the way that there is gavity stoping me from just choosing to levitate.
But then i think that the part of the point of this is (re)learning the difference between want and need. It truely is a want. But it is a pretty good want... and by good i mean, ethically and pleasingly good.
But then i also believe that supporting artists and the arts in general should be a priority...
I have found an outlet for missing new CDs... CBC Radio 3.... Canadian Music, free, and you can build playlists so you have on-demand Music... Pretty awesome... Have the good ol' lap top hooked to the stereo, and rock on!
Perhaps this has become a bit about being cheap-o... have i started hording my money when others a hording things they have purchased?
Now i by no means wish this delema a mean that i wish to stop the Buy-nothing year... It is liberating really. and it makes me feel better about the future of the universe... even though i recognise that i am not really making a dent...
I don't miss shopping for clothes. Sewing them is more rewarding (thought their have been a few disasters...)
I don't miss premade foods, except when i get home late from work and am hungary. But the solution i have found for this is perhaps a bit of a cheat... At the Ukrainian CO-OP by my house i have found locally-home-made pierogis. they are non-processed and part of the local food concept. This winter i hope to make some from scratch and freeze them, but until then, i think they are pretty awesome. I like to hope someone's little granny made them.
I don't miss driving. I have found that the bus makes me prioritise my time and plan my trips. I think in the end it saves time, because i don't end up going back and forth between ends of town in a disorganised, and indecisive retail furvor. I really enjoy my time on the bus. It helps me plan my day, and de-compress after work. I plan meals, I plan analysis (for work), I eavesdrop.
It is wrong, but that part is kind of fun! Makes life seem normal.
I have been walking every where that i don't take my bike or the bus... I think my pants are already fitting better! ( yay free bonus!) This weekend I walked all over the city. Walked with a friend around the lake in the afternoon on Monday, and then again with other pals and their dog. Great for the general state of mind.
One other thing that feels good about this process is that it is seeming to bring out the sharing side of people, I have a friend that is passing on his few days old globe and mail. ( not that i got this paper before, but due to the buy nothing thing we had a conversation that lead to me reusing his) I have found a group called full-circle (like free cycle) where people can post what they need, or what they have, and all is exchanged for free. I am hoping to find a new home for my fridge, and am planning on replacing it with a smaller, and more eficient one. There is no need for me to have such a Huge (normal sized i guess, but for 1 person, huge) one. So if the fridge finds a home i will be (Gasp) buying a new littler one.
Okay, well i need to hit the hey.
I Hope all is well with you, and that this ramble will not drive you to drink!
CHeers!
Erin
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Late night power surge
Well the journey of reduced consumption continues quite happily! I have just finished an almost manic house cleaning binge. My grandma was discharged from hospital today, so I visited with her after work. I got home at about 8pm, made dinner and a pot of soup for the next few days. did the dishes. the washed the floors, then hung a curtain, beat the area rugs, put away books, and generally tidied. the un-kemptness of my life has once again been repressed!
I have just finished sewing a new skirt, making a big pot of minestrone soup and have steadfastly given up my car for the winter. I have cancelled the insurance ( knowingly) as of Oct 1, and have bought a bus pass. I am becoming more active with the Regina Car Share Co-op, and will be helping with the process of incorporation, and putting together a budget with my obsessive spread sheet skills...
This weekend I hosted 1 diner, I made Saag Paneer and Dhal, and we made an apple pie from the great apples i brought back from Nova Scotia. I also enjoyed dinner at my friend Amy's who had a lovely spread of Indian, Japanese, and Jewish delicacies!
Saturday was My Grandma's 82nd Birthday. She was unfortunately still in the hospital, but the nurses and other staff helped with the festivities, singing and enjoying a chocolate oatmeal cupcake, with Chocolate whip cream frosting...
I am not intending to turn this blog into a culinary documentary, but it seems to have currently turned down that route. I find that cooking and food prep have changed during this process. Perhaps because i need to plan more, or because i am becoming more conscientious about how, where and the context of the production of each ingredients. I think that these qualities of food have become a defining factor for those foods. I look at food that comes in plastic packages and it gives me a mini panic attack. I worry about what has been put into the food: ie preservatives. I worry about the distance that the ingredients have traveled, and the distance that the finished product has traveled. I am worried about the way that foods like sugar cane or beets and corn and other foods that end up being processed into refined sugars are encouraging the conversion of more and more land to intensive agriculture... I worry that people are not worried about these things as well...
I think part my current food blogging, is that cooking has become more of an art or a craft again. It feels good to make a lovely soup that is well flavoured, colourful, healthy and unique.
well this late night energy surge is finally coming to an end... I guess sleep will make tomorrow an easier day!
cheers!
xox
E
I have just finished sewing a new skirt, making a big pot of minestrone soup and have steadfastly given up my car for the winter. I have cancelled the insurance ( knowingly) as of Oct 1, and have bought a bus pass. I am becoming more active with the Regina Car Share Co-op, and will be helping with the process of incorporation, and putting together a budget with my obsessive spread sheet skills...
This weekend I hosted 1 diner, I made Saag Paneer and Dhal, and we made an apple pie from the great apples i brought back from Nova Scotia. I also enjoyed dinner at my friend Amy's who had a lovely spread of Indian, Japanese, and Jewish delicacies!
Saturday was My Grandma's 82nd Birthday. She was unfortunately still in the hospital, but the nurses and other staff helped with the festivities, singing and enjoying a chocolate oatmeal cupcake, with Chocolate whip cream frosting...
I am not intending to turn this blog into a culinary documentary, but it seems to have currently turned down that route. I find that cooking and food prep have changed during this process. Perhaps because i need to plan more, or because i am becoming more conscientious about how, where and the context of the production of each ingredients. I think that these qualities of food have become a defining factor for those foods. I look at food that comes in plastic packages and it gives me a mini panic attack. I worry about what has been put into the food: ie preservatives. I worry about the distance that the ingredients have traveled, and the distance that the finished product has traveled. I am worried about the way that foods like sugar cane or beets and corn and other foods that end up being processed into refined sugars are encouraging the conversion of more and more land to intensive agriculture... I worry that people are not worried about these things as well...
I think part my current food blogging, is that cooking has become more of an art or a craft again. It feels good to make a lovely soup that is well flavoured, colourful, healthy and unique.
well this late night energy surge is finally coming to an end... I guess sleep will make tomorrow an easier day!
cheers!
xox
E
Friday, October 5, 2007
I am back from my vacation, and I think I was very successful in keeping my consumption to a minimum. The greatest proportion of spending was on eating and restaurants. In Halifax I was staying with friends so breakfast was always at home. All meals out were at truly Nova Scotian restaurants. Had Chowder and fish cakes out by Hubard’s and a chicken burger at The Chicken Burger. Mussels and gingerbread out at Peggy’s Cove. Smoked Salmon and cider at the Triangle. Sushi out in Good old Dartmouth. The only “souvenir” that I brought back from Halifax other than fond memories and photos was a 20 lb bag of Gravenstein apples. They are sweet and tart, great for eating and cooking.
In London my hostel had free breakfast, scones, and cereal. I would pack a snack of a scone and jam (this felt very British!) and avoided general snacking in the streets. I ate the required fish and chips with mushy peas. I had curry on brick lane, and enjoyed a falafel at the farmers market.
Lots of people have asked if I bought clothes in London, but I didn’t, I looked and found a few things I liked, but they were from big generic shops that I could likely find at home or something quite similar. Most things I saw were not unique enough to shake the feeling of shopping just for the sake of shopping. I did buy a new pair of glasses, which are getting new lenses this week. So I think they are my London Fashion Find. I also bought Tea from Harrods, a little wooden London Block set, a bottle of gin, some Stilton Cheese, and a Tin of cookies for people at work. I bought a Book of “Banksy” Graffiti art, and a little vase at the design show that is glazed with 70 yr old roof thatch from a town in the UK. My suitcase was easy to close, and I had only taken a little carry on one in the 1st place.
Sorry for the gapsin reporting!
In London my hostel had free breakfast, scones, and cereal. I would pack a snack of a scone and jam (this felt very British!) and avoided general snacking in the streets. I ate the required fish and chips with mushy peas. I had curry on brick lane, and enjoyed a falafel at the farmers market.
Lots of people have asked if I bought clothes in London, but I didn’t, I looked and found a few things I liked, but they were from big generic shops that I could likely find at home or something quite similar. Most things I saw were not unique enough to shake the feeling of shopping just for the sake of shopping. I did buy a new pair of glasses, which are getting new lenses this week. So I think they are my London Fashion Find. I also bought Tea from Harrods, a little wooden London Block set, a bottle of gin, some Stilton Cheese, and a Tin of cookies for people at work. I bought a Book of “Banksy” Graffiti art, and a little vase at the design show that is glazed with 70 yr old roof thatch from a town in the UK. My suitcase was easy to close, and I had only taken a little carry on one in the 1st place.
Sorry for the gapsin reporting!
I think the biggest challenge right now is not seeming like a cheep-skate… or not caring that people see this as simply a way to not spend money… oh well! SO far so good!
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