Presently trying to settle what IT is...

I try to live in the present, and though I do at times brood over the past, I think I spend rather too much time living in the future. Waiting for the right thing. Assuming the present is a temporary state and merely a matter of transition:

I am where I am, but I won’t be here long. Don’t get too attached:
My next job will be the right one.My next relationship will be the right one.I love where I live but surely it is temporary!Oh when the house and land are paid off then I can…
The ultimate manifestation of a pathological procrastinator! I don’t dislike my present. I am not someone who can’t wait for the present to be over, I guess I just don’t take it terribly seriously. I can’t seem to stop deferring to the future. I am like an ant, never-endingly preparing for the winter. Though also never really committing to where I am. Always gleaning optimism from the future. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to stop looking forward. I just wish that I would be willing to believe that the present may be as good as it gets… THIS could be IT! (insert any given thought in place of THIS)

As I read this it seems like I am asking myself to settle. I have always HATED the word, and idea of settling. “Settling down.” Retch! I always have seen this as weakness. “Don’t settle for less!”But settling is complicated. and I seem to have grouped all meanings.

set·tle verb, -tled, -tling.
–verb (used with object)
1. to appoint, fix, or resolve definitely and conclusively; agree upon (as time, price, or conditions).
2. to place in a desired state or in order: to settle one's affairs.
3. to pay, as a bill.
4. to close (an account) by payment.
5. to migrate to and organize (an area, territory, etc.); colonize: The pilgrims settled Plymouth.
6. to cause to take up residence: They settled immigrants in urban areas.
7. to furnish (a place) with inhabitants or settlers: The French settled this colony with army veterans.
8. to quiet, calm, or bring to rest (the nerves, stomach, etc.).
9. to stop from annoying or opposing: A sharp word will settle that youngster.
10. to conclude or resolve: to settle a dispute.
11. to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis.
12. to cause (a liquid) to become clear by depositing dregs.
13. to cause (dregs, sediment, etc.) to sink or be deposited.
14. to cause to sink down gradually; make firm or compact.
15. to dispose of finally; close up: to settle an estate.
16. Law. a. to secure (property, title, etc.) on or to a person by formal or legal process.
b. to terminate (legal proceedings) by mutual consent of the parties.
–verb (used without object)
17. to decide, arrange, or agree (often fol. by on or upon): to settle on a plan of action.
18. to arrange matters in dispute; come to an agreement: to settle with a person.
19. to pay a bill; make a financial arrangement (often fol. by up).
20. to take up residence in a new country or place: Many Frenchmen settled along the Mississippi River following La Salle's explorations.
21. to come to rest, as from flight: A bird settled on a bough.
22. to gather, collect, or become fixed in a particular place, direction, etc.: A cold settled in my head.
23. to become calm or composed (often fol. by down): I'll wait until the class settles before starting the lesson.
24. to come to rest (often fol. by down): We settled down for the night at an old country inn.
25. to sink down gradually; subside.
26. to become clear by the sinking of suspended particles, as a liquid.
27. to sink to the bottom, as sediment.
28. to become firm or compact, as the ground.
29. (of a female animal) to become pregnant; conceive.
—Verb phrases
30. settle down, a. to become established in some routine, esp. upon marrying, after a period of independence or indecision.
b. to become calm or quiet.
c. to apply oneself to serious work: There were so many distractions that we weren't able to settle down to studying.
31. settle for, to be satisfied with: to settle for less.
32. settle into, to become established in: to settle into a new routine.

Really only 11, 30, & 31 bother me…

A friend of mine whom I see as being "Very non-settled" and who works all over the world, pointed out to me that it is simply the simplest way to do some things. And coming from someone that i don't see as “NEEDING” stability, it made it seem less saprophytic. For example raising children is hard, but not impossible from a backpack. It just depends on how you want to spend your energy. Staying in one place is not a failure. Compared to him I am soooo settled, but the fact that he had less of an issue with the idea of settling than I did surprised me. Kind of made me take a step back and reconsider my demonization “settle”. I guess when you are all over the place it makes you see the plus side of stability.

I need to stop thinking about building my life like a resumé to be presented in future settings, and more like building a home to live inside of… “a permanent mailing address".

...and if need be I can send out change of address cards.